Friday, May 22, 2009

Movies, teenage sex, and scary guys with chainsaws

So I'm wondering: do people of my age NORMALLY have sex? And if so, WHERE?

I can't imagine that they do it at home, because normal households are almost always filled with other people, and in any case wouldn't the neighbors hear the noise?
If you watch movies, you might get the idea that teenagers do it in cars or on the couch, just before the monster rises from the breakers or the scary guy with the chainsaw comes down the stairs, which suggests that sex might be an awfully bad idea.

For some reason, there are never any adults in teen sex movies. Where have they all gone? And don't they KNOW about the scary guy with the chainsaw? Wasn't he around when they were young? Do they (gasp) WANT it to happen?

And what's with the chain saw? Is that some kind of metaphor for a male gonad? Ripping, slashing, tearing, and the wept-over loss of innocence?

I'm guessing that movie directors don't have sex as they seem to have problems with the concept. Which is very strange, as teenage boys apparently can't seem to think of ANYTHING else.
Of course, neither can most men - that explains my most stalkerish commenter. Who has transformed the bitterness of his sex life into a knightly quest for any and all panties.

Teenage girls, as is well known, do not have sex. That's why we don't know about chainsaws.


Anonymous said...

That's right. Teenagers do not have sex. Instead, they take drugs and drink like maniacs. Then drive their parents car into a tree.

You live in a very innocent part of the world.

metaphorically amphibious said...

Chainsaws do not represent gonad(s).

Mad Mike said...

Yes they do! Yes they do!

It's all about power tools!

Fuzz Bert Fan Club said...

No chainsaws! Yay! No chainsaws EVER! Yay! Yay!

Nor wire coat hangers! Ever! Yay! Yay! Yay!

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Indeed! No chainsaws! What an exceptionally unpleasant image! Far otherwise your tender thoughts display!

And think instead of soft pillows, silken sheets, and the golden glow of early dawn upon the sleeping smile of either party.

---Grant Preachingtotheunconverted

punctiliously amphibious said...

Memo to Mad Mike: check your anatomy.