Saturday, December 27, 2008

Tang Li-Kwun - two songs

The famous singer Tang Li-Kwun (Teresa Teng / Deng Li Jun 鄧麗君) remains imprinted on the collective mind even thirteen years after her death.

Here is a very lovely song in Fukienwa (Fujianese language) recorded in 1971:
Unforgetable First Love

Look at the youtube picture - this is what I look like.

Just kidding! Shee! She is much more beautiful! I really really really wish that I looked like that!

And here's Tang Li-Kwun singing one of her most well-known songs.
Observing the Spring Wind

In my opinion she sounds too weepy in the second part, but she has such a beautiful voice! Fukine songs are all emotionally lilting and some are very magical. I don't like this song as much as the first, but it is much more popular.
Both songs were recorded when she was eighteen. She lived till she was forty two. She sang in Mandarin, Cantonese, Fujianese, and Japanese. And I think also in English and French, but I'm not sure.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Underwear and bleary eyes

Hooray, I did get new panties!!!!!!!! Mom is good that way. And even though they don't have happy frogs or penguins, I still can't wear them on pe days. Because of little flowers. But they are all cotton!!!!!!!!!!!

The ones I bought myself with the lacy edges are hidden inside Mickey's pants near his but. She'll never find them or even know that I have them, I hope. They are scandalous!!!!!!!!!!!

And she won't find out about the Hennesey either, coz I disabled the lock. It took five minutes with a screw driver after she left this morning for the big sale. So I don't have to keep that nasty stuff in my room, but I can still grab it when I really really need to get to sleep. Except that it leaves me feeling bleary eyed like I've got a cold or the flu.

I've seen some people drink lots of it, but that's just nuts. It's not quite as bad as beer, which tastes like spoiled rice porridge (with cheese!), but it burns and nearly makes you choke.
Plus I turned bright red and had to go to bed early. Maybe men don't get that. They're probably insensitive little creatures.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Victory is mine!


Found it!!!!!!!!!!!

Got the bottle!!!!!!!!!!

I win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But now what do I do? It tastes nasty! Horrid!

I'll try half a capfull in hot chocolate, maybe that way I can actually swallow it. It smells like fruity glue or chemical cleaners. Does whisky taste any better?

Where's the *&*^&%ing key????????

The bottle of Hennesey is in the cupboard in the hallway. That's were I saw it last. But why is it locked, and where's the &*%*%^)*ing key?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's my brothers' fault!!!!!!!! If they didn't pull that macho crap and act like they are entitled to swagger and drink (which they NEVER do anyhow, wussie cheapskates!), no one would even think to lock the cupboard. None of us drink, not even grannie, and heaven knows she's got reason, seeing as she keeps complaining about her sons her daughter in law and her grandsons and her worthless granddaughter (that's me!!!) and the neighbors and all the smelly white people.
The only one she never even says anything about is auntie Wah, probably because that woman running off to live with her big white boyfriend left her nothing to say. She's probably soooooooooooooooooo jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gonna hafta wait until everybody's watching football to see if it's in Dad's dresser.

Batteries not included!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not even going to MENTION what uncle Booboo gave me this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crapola, just another reason to stock up on mothballs. As if my closet doesn't smell enough already. It REALLY SUCKS being short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the youngest.

That Hennesey that nobody's touched in all these years is starting to look REAAALLL GOOOD!!!! That Brandy is mine, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hah! Festivus!

On Jerry Seinfeld Costanza's dad invented Festivus. For all of us who are sick of Christmas. But it wouldn't work.

Wrestling the head of the household down to the floor, for one thing. My brothers would never do that! And I couldn't list MY grievances either!!!!!!!! For one thing, I have to live here. And for another, everyone would immediately start arguing and just not stop. What a horrible Christmas THAT would be!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Costanza is not Chinese!!!!!

Besides, panetone is available only once a year. Who would want to miss that?

The good news is that I got all my shopping done. But there better be some red envelopes tomorrow, I'm flat broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

All the weirdoes went to Vegas?

I am sooo surprised! The usual gang of weirdoes and perverts haven't put ANY suggestive comments underneath the last post!

I guess they've all gone to Vegas for Christmas, like uncle Fatty. Which is a cheap cop-out. At least auntie Wah and uncle Booboo are still around to get and give headaches and nauseated feelings in their stomachs, along with all the rest of us. I really hope we have duck and char-siu this year instead of turkey.

I still have sooo much shopping to do, and only one more day to do it in. I swear, if I get half a chance, I'm swiping that bottle of Hennesey left over from Mei's wedding four years ago. Noone gonna miss it. And stupid holidays are the perfect time to develope a grownup appreciation of hooch. If only it didn't taste so sharp and bitter!


But maybe not really!!!!!!!!!

I'll just have to hit up the Caffe Trieste early and get fuelled. It's gonna be a long day. Christmas stinks.

Friday, December 19, 2008

What's white and green and happy?

Perhaps I should ask auntie Wah where her big white boyfriend got the Hello Kitty panties. If they have them in size five small, maybe they also have them in size four xs?

I really want panties with happy frogs on them. Or penguins. Which I wouldn't wear to school on p.e. days. Plain cotton and happy frogs. Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Sex, love, cup size, and wolves

Wow and crappola!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another blogger actually told his readers to come here and read me. Now I feel like a famous author.

I suppose I should write more grown up, with less exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and using spellcheck a whole lot more. Intelligent and literate, too.

And, whoever reads this will want excitement and pizzazz. So I guess I'm gonna hafta write about something steamy, like sex.

So here goes.

Mind your own business!

Chocolate, red bean pastries, and voodoo dolls!


Taste like chicken!

There, that should keep you happy!

I will not answer ANY questions that include the words sex, love, or cup size. The first two words are purely hypothetical (although if your name is Vronsky that may change all of a sudden), strictly none of your beeswax, and private.
The last word is between me and the lady at the store.
The wolves are here to add excitement, like in Anna Karenina (by L. Tolstoy). I hope you are suitably thrilled!

Stupid Disney garbage

If uncle Booboo gives me another giant rat for christmas this year I shall scream! I hate rats!
I hate Mickey Mouse! I hate stuffed pandas, donkeys, and llamas too!
I am not a child anymore!

Why doesn't he at least look at my bookshelf if he doesn't know what to get me! It's not THAT HARD!
Jane Austen, Vladimir Nabokov (hidden, usually, because, well, sex and all that), Raymond Chandler, romantic comedy mangas, Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, Astronomy, Reptiles of North America (not a cookbook!), Sherman's Lagoon, Pearls Before Swine, National Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Butterflies, Forever (stinko!), Annie On My Mind (wonderfull!!!!), and absolutely nothing at all from Disney! Nothing!
Disney is demonic. Disney is rotten. Disney is all that is unholy.

Winnie the Pooh by Disney is just pooh. Lap-sahp fei mat, ho chou ye. Complete pooh.

If uncle Booboo ASKS me, as if he EVER would, I just might blow his mind by suggesting Candide by Voltaire, which is probably the best steamy soap opera ever written. Syphilis as a recurring motif makes you think that Voltaire wrote autobiographically, no? Or at least about his time and place, as well as people he knew, or wished he did.
They should make a theme park out of that book, as The Thoughtful Person's alternative to Disney land. No rides for children. But ALL rides for children.

Do you want to gues what I did to last year's ugly stuffed Disney animal?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Hot buttered weirdos

Some people who read my blog are very strange. A few call themselves amphibians, several are anonymous creeps, and some say the goofiest things.
These are the adults we are supposed to emulate.

If I met any of these people on the bus, I would hope that they wouldn't even notice me (well, they wouldn't anyhow). I think they're drunk most of the time. Or potty. Their comments only sometimes make sense. And I think they only come here so that they can say stuff.
Which is okay.

I'm glad that you are reading this. But there are some rules I really think you should follow.

Number one: I am not a cat. Number two: I do NOT want to rub myself all over with butter, and far less let anyone else do it. Number three: redundancy is not witty. Number four: redundancy is not witty. Number five: exclamation points are a way of life - live with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Number six: Monty Python is cool. Monty Python fans, maybe not. The jury is still out. Number seven: with or without bagels, dating is seriously out of the question. I don't have time for that. There's just too much homework, and people could see us, and it would be too embarrassing, and boys have sweaty sticky hands. And ick. Seriously. Ick. Number eight: I now know about ghee, but I'm never going to use it. Go read number two.
Number nine: Please keep all your greasy hands to yourself. I'm very very happy you're here, but no touching! Please see number two again. Ick.

Happy pajamas

I'm so jealous! It was auntie Wah's birthday the other day, and she has been boasting about her big white boyfriend! They've been living together for years!
Well, he really isn't big. He's only five nine. But he is white.

He gave her lobster and chocolate and perfume and roast duck and soy-sauce squab and happy pajamas and Hello Kitty Panties. And that is everything I want for christmas!

But I don't need the big white boyfriend. I don't even want to borrow hers. Big white boyfriends just aren't a good idea. Sorry!

I just need the happy pajamas and the Hello Kitty Panties.
And the lobster.
Maybe I'll even pass on the Hello Kitty Panties. Auntie Wah said that he knew (!) what her panty size was (5/S), but I don't want to tell ANYONE what size I wear!!! A man who gives a woman Hello Kitty Panties is just too much interested in some things only!
Especially!!! if he's a big white boyfriend.

But, anytime you find frog pajamas, let me know. Frog pajamas! Frog pajamas! Happy frogs all over pajamas! Yay!

Friday, December 12, 2008

My friend's brother

I like my friend Nie's brother, but he's sometimes strange. I mean, he's funny and all, but why does he sit on the couch when we're watching television? Why does he want to watch Weddings From Hell?!?!?!? And why does he say that that is what Nie's wedding would probably be like, but I'm not like that?!!

I'm never getting married! Marriage is just another way of saying "$$$$$ you!" to someone you love.

Boys need hobbies or they get goofy. He should play some sports instead. Or football.
He wanted us to watch Women Behind Bars afterwards and that's just too weird. There was nothing else on television so I went home.

Crumpets and bagels

Biscuits and melted butter are very comforting, especially with apricot jam. But bagels are really kind of boring. And do not go well with jam.

Muffins (and probably crumpets too) are really not interesting at all, as they taste mealy. The only thing you can do with an English Muffin is melt cheddar cheese onto it and add bacon.

But everybody likes cake. Very tiny wedges of cheesecake are delicious!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Warm nooks and crannies

Wikipedia has this to say about crumpets:
"A crumpet is a savoury/sweet bread snack made from flour and yeast. It is eaten mainly in the United Kingdom, but also in the nations of the Commonwealth.
Crumpets were an Anglo-Saxon invention. In early times, they were hard pancakes cooked on a griddle, rather than the soft and spongy crumpets of the Victorian era which were made with yeast. The crumpet-makers of the Midlands and London developed the characteristic holes, by adding extra baking powder to the yeast dough. The term itself may refer to a crumpled or curled-up cake, or have Celtic origins relating to the Breton krampoez meaning a "thin, flat cake" and the Welsh crempog or crempot, a type of pancake. Since many English words have Germanic roots, another possible root is the similar German word krumm (from Middle High German krump, krum) which means "bent"."

And on and on and on. It's a muffin, basically. In the picture they show.

Zesty means enjoyable, exciting, or piquant. Or sometimes orange or lemon peel(-ish).

So when Warren called me a zesty crumpet, he was saying that I have greasy skin, soft and spongy, or I excite him and he wants to smear me with melted butter. Either.
Eeeewwwwww, I'm going to be sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and even more exclamation points!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Frost Nixon

I want to see the movie "Frost/Nixon" later this month. It's not a christmas movie, so there won't be screaming children and angry parents in the audience. Well, maybe just the angry parents. But they will be very quiet.
The movie is about the interviews Frost did with Nixon in 1977.

Everyone born after Nixon resigned only knows that he was a dishonest man. The interviews show that it is more complicated than that. We've all heard of Watergate and the Vietnam war, but those are so long ago we don't see how complex things were. Some people lived through those years, but we're only studying that time. Everything was so different then.

But there are two things that are exactly the same. The idea that the president can do whatever she wants without consequence, and the horrid retro-seventies clothing. Is there a link between crippled ethics and polyester?

Exclamation point envy

Someone told me I use too many exclamation points.


!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!


Saturday, December 6, 2008

What on earth is a zesty crumpet?

There's this boy Warren who takes some of the same classes as me, who says hi everytime he sees me. He's kinda cute. If you like geeks. With bottlebottom glasses. He always smiles at me when I pass him and his friends hanging out near the stairs. It's embarrasing so I always look down and I often take the other stairs instead, even when it's the long way around.

Yesterday he called me Zesty Crumpet as I passed. I have nooooo frigging!!!! idea what he meant by that!!! Does that mean he likes me???? I hope he doesn't do that when there are other people around, I could just die!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I hate Christmas!

It's always like this! There's never enough time to shop for presents, and I never know what everyone will like. I want so much to give them stuff they'll like, but I don't have enough money!

My brothers are easy to shop for. I know they'll wear a dumb sweatshirt with the name of a college they've never heard of. But that is stupid. I think men are worse to shop for than women, even if they always dress the same way of sloppy. If they don't like something, they'll just NEVER wear it!
I swear, one of these years I'm just going to give everybody Hello Kitty socks and they can lump it!

Three more weeks to Christmas. I'll never find everyone stuff they'll like. Never! This is awfull! I feel sick about it already.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

How awful!!!!!

One of the blogs I read has awful news! A friend of his died! And he thinks it was by murder!

I did not know who mr. Kliman was until I looked him up on the internet. And I do not know what to think about him now. Some people on Indybay wrote that he was a violent sexist, but elsewhere it says that he was a doctor and had a gentle bedside manner, and that certainly seems more likely. Many of the photos I've seen show him smiling.

The Back of the hill lists several good reasons for not believing that it was an accident. But why would the police want to lie? Or the building manager?
Stuff like this goes on in places like France or Egypt, NOT IN SAN FRANCISCO.
I hope someone is comforting his mom. She must be so sad right now.