Thursday, December 18, 2008

Stupid Disney garbage

If uncle Booboo gives me another giant rat for christmas this year I shall scream! I hate rats!
I hate Mickey Mouse! I hate stuffed pandas, donkeys, and llamas too!
I am not a child anymore!

Why doesn't he at least look at my bookshelf if he doesn't know what to get me! It's not THAT HARD!
Jane Austen, Vladimir Nabokov (hidden, usually, because, well, sex and all that), Raymond Chandler, romantic comedy mangas, Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, Astronomy, Reptiles of North America (not a cookbook!), Sherman's Lagoon, Pearls Before Swine, National Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Butterflies, Forever (stinko!), Annie On My Mind (wonderfull!!!!), and absolutely nothing at all from Disney! Nothing!
Disney is demonic. Disney is rotten. Disney is all that is unholy.

Winnie the Pooh by Disney is just pooh. Lap-sahp fei mat, ho chou ye. Complete pooh.

If uncle Booboo ASKS me, as if he EVER would, I just might blow his mind by suggesting Candide by Voltaire, which is probably the best steamy soap opera ever written. Syphilis as a recurring motif makes you think that Voltaire wrote autobiographically, no? Or at least about his time and place, as well as people he knew, or wished he did.
They should make a theme park out of that book, as The Thoughtful Person's alternative to Disney land. No rides for children. But ALL rides for children.

Do you want to gues what I did to last year's ugly stuffed Disney animal?


astrologically amphibious said...

But surely this is the Year of the Rat, n'est pas?

Anonymous said...

Cheese-stuffed rat - a delicacy that almost prepares itself.

---Grant Patel

Anonymous said...

I am not a pervert. I'm just big boned.

---Grant Patel

The back of the hill said...

Grant, that comment perfectly proves the contrary.

passive-aggressively amphibious said...

No copies of "North American Amphibians" on your bookshelf?

The back of the hill said...

You COULD give her a copy. As a gift from an anonymous admirer.