Sunday, February 22, 2009

The intemperate and perverse Patel

So Grant Patel is insanely jealous that I got something lacy, sputtering ragefully that he should be the one to lead me down the primrose path, that being something that he knows more about than anybody. Possibly because he's a lawyer. And despite the fact that he's older than Christ. Being at least in his forties. Possibly even more antique.
On his blog he blusters at length his ire and anger, his resentment and despair. That I got lace and not from him. Oh woe. He is distraught.

And perturbed. Not to say angry. Dirty old man.


Number one: I am not anywhere on the primrose path, nor am I heading there.

Number two: I'm four and half feet tall and barely sixteen, you freak!!!!!!!!!!!


And, as far as that is concerned, I shall leave you in the dark, mr. Patel, as to what kind of garment it was. Was it something with leg holes, or perhaps with cups? Clasps? Tight? Or loose and flowing? Straps? Panels? Cinches? Does it show off? Or obscure? Over? Or under? Does it support, expose, disguise?

Buwahahhaahahhaaahah!

You will never know. You will never see it. Your eyes shall not embrace this vision. Your emotional unbalance over MY lacy garment is out of bounds, off kilter, and has no place, you perverted whacko. Even if you hang around the school gate asking every likely young thing about their lacies, you will not find out. Ever. I can promise you that. Tempermental deviant.

It just is not within your realm of possibilities.

But you might get arrested. And that would serve you right.

You poor sweet insane baby.

I shan't bail you out.

Bthththlllllvvppt!!!!!

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good heavens, the idea of asking likely young things for their lacies had NEVER occured to me. What a SPLENDID idea! And I now know approximately and specifically how tall (short) you are.

Lowell, did you say?


---Grant Pantiwhacked.

Anonymous said...

I am not a perverted whacko. I am very normal.


---Grant Paternalliwall

Anonymous said...

I shall just have to assume that it is too small and frilly to keep my fine tobacco in. Legholes and all.
Deep deep pink with pale pale frilliwilly laciwacies.

Hot hot hot!


---Grant Perbertiwanggal

The back of the hill said...

Good one. I particularly like the statement "I'm four and half feet tall and barely sixteen, you freak!!!!!!!!!!!". It really does highlight precisely how perverse Patel-saheb actually is.

The back of the hill said...

I am not a perverted whacko. I am very normal.

A very normal whacko? That concept boggles the mind.

People like you should go to San Francisco where there are more of your kind.

Oh wait, you're already here. Well, that answers THAT question........

GRANT!PATEL! said...

The competition for the contents of size four petite, size five extra small, and size six tight is less in this circuit than ANYWHERE else, the supply of same is greater. Naturally a man of taste would gravitate hither.

I am neither freak nor whacko.

I.
AM.
Grant!
Patel!

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Sweet pressed flake oh my.


---Grant Patel

GRANT!PATEL! said...

The palest wheaty gold.


---Grant Prawntaribanks

Chatwin said...

Four and ahalf feet tall and only sixteen?

Wow, palm sized and cuddly. May I have your phone number?

The back of the hill said...

Maybe it's time to distract the various perverts here with something else? Grant and his ilk seem incapable of focussing their attention on anything other than you-know-what. In Grant's case, I think it is due to being the oldest elligible bachelor in whatever law-office houses him. Certainly collecting panties is not, strictly speaking, normal.

Maybe more food posts - food is the great unifier.

PERVERT said...

Post photos! We want to see it!

GRANT!PATEL! said...

I disgaree with the toad person, but agree wholeheartedly and heatedly with the honest gentleman who desires the photgraphic record. Honesty and truth in journalism. Scientific inquiry. All that.


---Grondil Preudoux

DEATH BY NOODLES said...

Deep deep pink with pale pale frilliwilly laciwacies.

Wow. The mere concept sends you into spasms of perverse poetry. Mister Patel, you are a clinical case. Consider medication. Electro shock. Chemical castration. Seek help. And STOP STALKING ME, YOU WEIRDO!!!!!!!

DEATH BY NOODLES said...

And there will be NO PHOTOS!!!

What do you think I am, some exhibitionist?!??!

Bunch of sickos!

DEATH BY NOODLES said...

I am not cuddly. I bite.

GRANT!PATEL! said...

oooooo, fierce little mincks!
I like that.
Oh yes!



---Grewall Pornoprawns

The back of the hill said...

Mister Patel is a very crude loony.

DEATH BY NOODLES said...

Mister Patel is a disgusting animal.

Ron Gross said...

Mister Patel is a twisted deviant.

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Ron Gross should keep his big nose out of it. Or it will be twisted very sideways. And it will no longer look the same, but far otherwise. And utterly unattractive. I am just warning you. So that you are not suprised by what shall happen nect. If you persist in your persisting. And your utterly insulting judgementalism. You do not know me. You do NOT know me. How dare, sir? How absolutely dare you?!?

Bodkins!!!!!


---Grant Patel