Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mister Patel's laddoos

Grant Patel, who is severely disturbed and likely insane, has called me a little laddoo. Even though he doesn't know me! He has never met me even! The nerve of that man!!!!!!!!!!

One time it was "ghee-starved laddoo", another time it was "ghee-drenched laddoo".
I had to look up what both of those terms mean, ghee and laddoo. Indians eat greasy sweets, that's for sure.
A laddoo is a lump of sweetened paste rounded into a ball while it is still warm and malleable. Ghee is butter simmered till solids sink to the bottom and the water-content is evaporated, then skimmed - it keeps for a long time.
Ghee is one of the components of a laddoo. If you are Grant Patel, you probably serve them with extra ghee, and get it all over your face. Then you squeal like a pig, I bet.


One cup atta flour (whole wheat flour made from hard wheat).
Half a cup powdered sugar.
Quarter cup roasted cashews, chopped.
Quarter teaspoon ground cardamom seed.
Quarter cup ghee.

Warm a pan on low heat. Sift the flour into the pan and roast until you notice the fragrance, then add the ghee, and cook a little longer till it has become light golden. Let it cool until it can be touched with the bare hands, add in the sugar, cashews, and cardamom. Make it into small balls before it cools.

If you are Grant Patel, there is no telling what you will do with the laddoo next.
I would far rather not know, but I'm sure that you will tell me. Just keep it clean, buster! No obscene suggestions! And try not to mention my panties!


Anonymous said...

A post all for ME! Oh happy day!

But there are other kinds of laddoos too. Those made with besan ka flour, gram, badam... and panties!

I wish the ones with panties!

---Grant Patel

Anonymous said...

Or leastways wrapped in soft silken panties.

---Frantic Patel

Anonymous said...

Or stuffed into panites. Soft, lacy panties.

An oily doily.

---Prancing Graters

Anonymous said...

Preferably YOUR panties!

---Darcy Prodobant

Anonymous said...

Which be sure to tell me in all particulars precisely and exactly are stained where?

---Prudencio Gandhivole

Anonymous said...

Drenched in ghee. Extra elaichi.

---Branston Jubells


Look, you crude person, I told you to not dwell upon my underwear. What part of that was hard to understand? Can't you read? Do you have a mental problem?

If yes to any of those questions, then I am not surprised that you are still alone, even at such an advanced age (appraoching sixty, what?), and find it so incredibly difficult to connect with other people, especially of a gender opposed to your own. In which role, by the way, and given your horrible obsession with feminine undergarments, you are clearly uncomfortable. Perhaps you should consider investing in a sex-change operation. Do not bother banking your sperm beforehand.

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay, okay. Clearly you can't stand the heat, little cook. One wonders about your presence in the kitchen, but okay okay okay never mind.

---Grewt Bogger

Anonymous said...

I shall not mention your panties again. Your nice cotton panties.

---Grosten Prudemans

Anonymous said...

Nor shall I disquisite on your gaily pantied rumpus, and who or where you wave it. Those words shall nevermore pass my lips. My nose shall not twitch over your speculated proximity. I shall cease to peruse in my imagination the legendary size four petite, size five small, or size six tight.

---Griswold Prevericanto